There’s a popular quote from Oprah Winfrey, “You get in life what you have the courage to ask for” that I refer to often in my content and on social media.
Reason being, I’ve found myself in situations in the past where I was either afraid or unsure as to how or when to ask for things I wanted.
And in those instances, I either allowed fear to overpower me and cause me to retreat, or I talked myself out of moving forward in boldness and confidence and simply asking for what I really wanted.
Additionally, as someone who has coached hundreds of professionals on how to confidently engage in salary negotiations, I’ve seen firsthand, the paralyzing effects of them just thinking about asking for more money.
And while we can all admit, asking for money is one of those tasks that tend to generate the most discomfort in people, there are other aspects of our lives that require us asking that are less “scary,” but people still avoid.
Asking for what you want may feel uncomfortable or awkward. This can lead to avoidance.
Your success in getting what you want, be it money, assistance, support, etc., however, begins in your mind first.
Related: 5 Ways To Boost Your Confidence
The results are determined way before you open your mouth. So, before you attempt to make any requests, be sure that you're certain about two factors:
- Your ideal objective
- What you are willing to accept
But even before you get to that point, there are a few internal adjustments that need to be made to ensure total alignment with what you’re asking for and what you believe you deserve.
Consider these 3 tips to help you build up your confidence to take bolder steps and be more assertive with your asks:
1. Know Yourself
Knowing who you are, what you stand for, and what you bring to the table will provide a firm foundation of confidence when it comes time to make your ask.
People who know themselves well are usually more decisive and self-assured.
They ask for help when they need it and are less likely to cower or avoid asking out fear of being rejected or told no.
This confidence in themselves increases the likelihood they will get what they want.
2. Remain Unattached to the Outcome
This one’s not always as easy to get used to, but you’ll need to get comfortable with hearing the word “no” and moving on.
Asking for help and not ending up receiving it can be a bummer, but it is also an important part of reality.
Being able to regroup, move on, and either ask someone else or find a different solution is the key.
3. Practice Asking
Practice asking. Try small, safe asks and work up to big, bold asks whenever you can. This is like learning a new language.
Asking has its own way about it, and over time you will get the hang of it. Keep in mind as you practice this new “skill” however, that no is an acceptable answer.
Otherwise, it isn’t a question, it’s a command.
Studies show there is a direct correlation between what you believe you deserve and what you will actually end up getting.
Use these tips to help you build your confidence and develop the mindset you need to ask for what you want.
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