How many times have you found yourself listening to that little voice in your head telling you that you don’t need to do this, should have to do this, or can’t do this anyway, so why even try?
You know the voice I’m talking about. The “Negative Nancy” in your head, constantly talking you out of the things you want or should be doing. It’s not uncommon to have quite a bit of this negative chatter, especially when you’re getting ready to break into something new or reach for something just beyond your comfort zone.
In fact, it’s an internal defense mechanism of sorts. When we are lacking confidence, we aren’t actually sure that we can do what we set out to do. So, our mind then tries to “protect” us by talking us out of giving it a try.
After all, if you don’t try, you can’t fail, right? At least that’s how our confident-lacking subconscious thinks.
On a rational level, we know that never trying is just as bad as or even worse than trying and failing. And even when we try and fail, we always end up learn something. So, what can you do to tame or reframe your negative tape deck?
Well for starters, you can…Give It A Name
Start by giving a name and personality to that negative voice in your head. Earlier, I called it “Negative Nancy,” but you can call it the nag, the critic, a name you despise… basically whatever name feels right to you will do. You can even make it a silly name.
In giving it a name, you subconsciously give it an identity separate from your own. This will help you as you learn to discern and decipher the difference between your own (gentle and kind) intuition, versus the inner critic that elicits negative emotions. With consistent effort, you’ll eventually take away the power and influence that little voice in your head currently has, you’ll quickly notice what’s going on and stop it in its tracks…literally and figuratively.
Another strategy is to Put It In Perspective
Things are always worse in our head, aren’t they? This is why it’s important to put that conversation that’s going on in your head into perspective. Instead of blowing up the negative and thinking that you ruined your relationship or career because of one little blunder or embarrassing moment, bring it down to what it really was… maybe you said something silly, or spilled coffee all over yourself in front of someone important. Here are some ideas for putting things into perspective:
- Imagine if this happened to someone else… would you think it was a big deal?
- Look around you. Are people laughing or looking outraged? If you don’t get a huge reaction, it wasn’t that big of a deal.
- Talk it through with a good friend. They’ll help you put it into perspective.
- Put a positive or at least neutral spin on it. Maybe something like “at least I’ll be memorable” or “no one will even remember this next week.”
If you’re struggling to catch the negative self-talk early, and always seem to spiral down into a negative ditch before you even realize it, practicing the strategies shared will help you get into the habit of catching yourself much quicker.
The most important lesson I want you to take away from today’s post is that this negative thinking and self-talk will happen, and something you need to look out for. The key to conquering your negative self-talk is to pay attention to the thoughts and images playing in your head, and then make a conscious effort to stop as soon as you realize that negative self-talk has taken hold.
